I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
