you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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