You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
