as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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