To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
