Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
