I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
as a side note pls kill me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
