i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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