Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize