i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
