i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
