It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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