pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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