I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
