2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
