The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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