i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
