More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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