If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
