Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
