yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
