I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ttyl tear gas
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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