then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
