Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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