I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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