I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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