So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
