just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
