all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
