I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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