The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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