Screwed.edu
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
