So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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