like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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