imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
