Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
