If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
