I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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