Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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