I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
