after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
