My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
