No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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