2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
