Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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