A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
