you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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