I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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