Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
