God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize