I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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