I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
