just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
