never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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