quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
why do cheetos always look like penises
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
