I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
