Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
