Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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