Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
