Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
