he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
