is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
