So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
