don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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