I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
