I have demons in me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
