do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
