Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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