do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
