Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We're too hungover to prance.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
