We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
