We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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