so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
