so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
