member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
