Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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