Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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