found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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