I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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