she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
