just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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