i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
