You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
