Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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