um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
