I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
