I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
