All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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