god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
