Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
honey bunches of taint.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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