i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
