Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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